I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
