i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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