Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
