My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
