i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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