why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize