I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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