Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize