Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
