so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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