The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
