Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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