The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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