I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
