Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize