I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
