I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
