When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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