But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found the puke drawer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
