I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
