its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
