I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize