I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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