I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
