wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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