hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
