I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
