My hand turned me down
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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