Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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