My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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