the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
