Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
