guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
