I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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