I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
