what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
