I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
