I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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