I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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