i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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