woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
