Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
