Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
