it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
