The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
