im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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