The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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