I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
