Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
