Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
