I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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