So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
