u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
