I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
