Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
