I smell stomach acid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
