Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
