Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
