I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
