time to smoke my breakfast
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
