He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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