Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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