ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
