He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize