Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
