The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize