if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
