This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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