Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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