Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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