Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
