he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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