Yo dont text me then not text me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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