I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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