He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
