He uses pillows to masturbate.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
