My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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