now i know why i became what i already was.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
