we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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