Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
