Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
is that a dick in a sweater?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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