My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
