You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
