If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
