btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
