I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
