I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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