She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
