Swine flu. Run for my life!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
