genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
