Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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