I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
